Friday, July 30
this week's been bad. and i really mean bad. if it's just going to get worse, i'm going to run around with a chopper screaming. let's just say that i spent a great deal of time working on my eng compre ( i woke up at 4 am can?) only to 'lose' it in school.. let's not accuse anyone.. so i redid it last night.. another 1 1/2 hours blown. then this morning it was found in someone's file. obviously she didn't take it, she's too sweet and gentle and she's my friend! so some bleeping idiot sabotaged me. i can't believe it. 1 1/2 hours of sleep. it's bad enough doing it once! well. yeah that was the reason i was all panicky and hysterical and teary. sorry if i scared anyone, but i was really upset. and thanks to um half the class for helping me search the classroom while i was filming upstairs. sigh.
binged on ice cream despite my sore throat today. and loved every mouthful of it. there's nothing like ice cream after 2 bio pract tests in a day.. and a lousy lit test. my lit's going down the drain. my teacher read my essay over my shoulder as i was doing the test and told me to be more sensitive. i decided not to tell her i was too cold to be sensitive. i mean what kinda lousy prose is this? oedipus complex? it made me sick to analyse the relationship. like ewww. how do i write ' the narrator had improper thoughts towards his own mother, for heaven's sake!' without sounding like the prude i sometimes am? so yeah gonna do badly. can't wait to go out next week. it's gonna be a blast! then we can go shopping! whee! jean and jp went crazy over my closet the other day. hahahha. now they want me to bring them out to shop for nice clothes. gosh first time i actually hear i've got nice clothes. but now i'm broke. paid $36.75 to develop a 105 photos.. which got passed around class to my distaste.. had a whale of a time laughing at our crazy pictures.
homework calls. i am determined to owe no one anything. where is life? one day i'll fly away.. but when?
it must've been love.
8:13 pm
xoxo
Monday, July 26
.::[ Are you ]::.
1. Optimistic or Pessimistic: pessimistic. my friends would say so. i'd say the glass has water. period.
.2. Soft hearted or Hard hearted: soft to those i care about. if i don't give a damn about you.. then it's hardhearted obviously right? gah.
3. Left handed or Right handed: right.
4. A better Listener or better Consultant: i really don't know. i talk a lot.
5. Nature lover or Animal lover: animal. mammals. no creepy crawlies. no reptiles.
6. Logical or Lame: lame logic! hahaha
7. Hardworking or Lazy: sadly.. lazy. sigh. haha
8. Naive or Wise: wise in a naive way? got loads of ideals. that are very impractical.
.::[ Do You Prefer ]::.
1. Tv shows or Music: music
2. Gold or Silver: oooh silver! white gold also can. or purple gold.
3. Asian food or Western food: asian's less fattening... right? =D
4. Red tea or Green tea: red.. i think.. or maybe green. ahh tea can already!
5. Red grapes or Green grapes: red
6. Umbrella or Raincoat: umbrella. raincoats are so toot.
7. Pop or Rock: pop i guess..
8. Sandals or Sports shoes: dress sandals.. or heels. hahhaha. i'm vertically challanged!
:: [What Is Your]::.
1. Current fav. Song: save the best for last
2. Current fav. Singer/Band: n.a.
3. Fav. Radio station: class 95
4. Fav. Subject in school: i guess that'd be lit.. if i put in more effort i'd like it better.
5. Last email about: can't rmb. :P
6. Last dream about: walking down the beach.. hand in hand with.. someone. =D
7. Computer's brand: like i care..
8. Reaction when someone insults you: shoot my mouth off suanning her.
.::[ When is ]::.
1. Your fav. day of a week: friday.. or sat.. or.. sun.. =D
2. Your fav. time of a day: break time!! heee
3. The last time you cried: yesterday
4. The last time you saw a celebrity: being me i wouldn't even know if that person were one
5. The last time you scolded a swear word: is damn a swear word? cos i said it today. hahhaahha. and now. hee
6. The last time you toked on the fone: last night
7. The last time you consoled a friend: i don't think i'm very good at comforting ppl cos i'm not very tactful. according to my report book anyway. hah!
8. The last time you fought a cold war: 3 years ago. it still hurts. ouch.
it must've been love.
7:56 pm
xoxo
Friday, July 16
okay i've changed my mind. again. yes yes i know i'm fickle, live with it. i'm off the eat-as-little-as-possible-and-hope-i-don't-collapse diet. now i'm on the moderation diet. haha. life is for the living larh.. might as well enjoy it a bit. since nothing else seems to be worth enjoying. it's school school school more school a bit more school.. yes you get it. and everything seems to be fried in school. tskk. peaches are yummy.
mids sucked. it is now confirmed. thinking about my results makes me feel depressed so i shan't elaborate. let's just say i'm dumb okay.. and leave it at that. i never appreciated my ss teacher as much as i did yesterday when he turned off the ohp and said something to the effect of 'those marks are history'. my gosh we were so touched. the other teacher just kept yelling at us, yelling, yelling and more yelling. and we saw the breakdown of marks.. and were just getting so demoralised when our other teacher turned it off. that was nice. a bit dramatic, but well we all need a little drama now and then.
speech day pract is boring. a lot of singing. a bit of clapping. and i realise i cannot bow nicely. i automatically hold back my tie. well i wasn't trained to bow! ppl won't notice anyway. i think i can learn to like doing hwk. i'm brainwashing myself. i love hwk. i love studying. i love seeing the long row of a1s i must achieve on a worthless scrap of paper.
i love me. *hugs myself* today was a bad day but things will get better. yes no maybe so.
i hate myself sometimes. til i look at others. some are better off. some aren't. then i realise i'm nothing but one of the multitudes of droplets falling from a cloud. just one droplet. in the sheets of rain, endless rain, pouring down from above. and i realise. i'm nothing. yet collectively.. those same sheets of rain streaming down can keep a plant alive. keep the cycle going. maybe i am worth something, afterall. maybe.
- happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. - [anna karenina, tolstoy]
it must've been love.
9:27 pm
xoxo
Wednesday, July 14
the mids sucked. and oh i'm on this new diet thing where i eat as little carb as possible.. and drink a lot of chinese tea. guess walking has to count as exercising. so.. two new goals. do better in prelims.. and lose weight. erh the weight thing started again when my mum dragged me to buy jeans on sunday.. she claimed my present ones are too low.. like i bother.. so yeah. and then i confirmed my suspicions. i put on weight. again. i couldn't get the jeans i wanted.. because.. i'm too fat. so now i'm going to lose weight, get back to normal, and wear what i like. hah! okay it's not as noble as planning to mug.. but i never claimed to be noble. so what the heck, it's my second priority for now. if you figure out how to 1. remember facts better and/or 2. lose weight and keep it off.. well tell me. i really believe in chinese tea.. but my friends insist once i start eating more my body will absorb everything and i'll put on even more weight. gahh. shall drink tea now.
-don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. david frost-
it must've been love.
7:56 pm
xoxo
Saturday, July 3
for you, i'd lie awake crying for days.
but i wouldn't let it gnaw me for months.
i don't know anything about healing me, much less you.
take a walk, take a walk girl,
when problems catch you by the throat and don't let go.
take a walk because you can't stand still.
for you, i'd cross an ankle-deep stream.
i won't pretend i'd swim across the ocean for you.
i don't want to lose my own way helping you.
others claim they'd go through fire.
please, what a lie.
we're human. you know that. so stop pretending.
[sad but true larh. for no one in particular. sorry badmooding. c'est la vie]
it must've been love.
10:47 pm
xoxo
Friday, July 2
hmm let's see.. today's the day i decided to slack. since phys was confusing (by which i mean i have no idea if i used the right formulae) and lit was.. even more confusing.. meaning i don't know if i even made sense. i was lazy to read the oh-so-long prose passage so i opted for the not-so-direct poem. and when i'd finished with time to spare, i read the prose and nearly killed myself. it was much easier than the poem. *bangs head against the wall* last year i commited literary suicide by doing the harder textbased. now i choose the harder poem. makes me wonder what i'll do in a few months time.
and.. i got a big shock today when someone came in and handed me an envelope for my parents.. and when i signed the paper i saw the words bio prize beside my name. nearly fainted. i very honestly thought i didn't top bio afterall.. hah. so yes now my parents are happy with me. =D haven't told my sis. must tell her it's mostly thanks to her reading the textbook to me the night before when i didnt have time to finish studying. so.. yay for my wonderful sister! hope she'll do it again for prelims and o's.. :P haha.
tmr's chinese listening. i wonder how it'll go. i generally get bored and start daydreaming. but this is the only chance to take it, i'd better get as many marks as i can, seeing my paper2 was terrible. bah.
it must've been love.
6:53 pm
xoxo
